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Writer's pictureShahrzad Jalali PsyD

Should We Have Regrets?

At the core of the human experience is the notion of choice. The most challenging part of choice is every time we choose a path, we give up several others. Because none of us are fully aware of what the future holds, at times we realize the missed opportunities had better outcomes than we had suspected. It is at this time that we come face to face with the powerful demon of regret, this demon is extremely deceptive, when awakened it reaches into the most inner part of our being and constantly questions our self-efficacy until it strips us of everything and abandons us in the never-ending world of despair.

Regret can be very paralyzing. It has the tendency to drag us through a lifelong sorrow never letting us regain the courage to get back in the game.


Ironically this perceived sense of failure is rooted in our false belief that the ego is entirely responsible for our choices in life. This belief is so intertwined with us, that we contribute all gains and loses to the self, overtly dismissing the notion of any other contributing factor. On some level we would all like to believe that we are in complete control of our lives, yet life is filled with many unexpected incidents.


Interestingly many doors that open or close in our lives are beyond our control. Despite what ego chooses to believe, other factors are involved in molding our lives into what they are. So why is the grass always greener in the road left behind? And why does the mind hold on to these regrets by regurgitating on the famous “what if” question?


Chances are even if we had taken the other route our life could have still unraveled in the same manner. Life does not come with a guarantee and although a different path may seem more promising it does not mean that we would have had that outcome had we taken that path. Perhaps what we perceive to be missing was never a part of our life puzzle.











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